I Found My Alaska

 -Maybe theres

something you're

afraid to say, or

someone you're afraid

to love or somewhere

you're afraid to go.

It's gonna hurt

because it matters.

John Green (Looking for Alaska)-

It seems like I can't tell you enough of how I feel & it's not really due to you but I can't help, but wonder how much really sticks to you. Sure I say I love you. Sure I tell you, but how often do you walk away feeling as if I'm just speaking out my ass & saying it just to say it. Like I get it more than most, anything you share with me about your pain & your experience with it, I've felt it too. Feel alone? Felt it too, in fact, I know the feeling all too well. It has a name. It is ok cause it has been a walk in my life, See I'm here. Maybe I'm not making that clear enough, but maybe it is because I'm out of breath & it's not always due to our passionate kissing, it's because sometimes I feel like I'm running in place to catch up to you, because either you're there or you're pulling away & I find myself blaming the one & only, like tell me what have I done I'll never ask you this outright, but actions speak louder than words so maybe you can hear me asking in my eyes, in how I'll lay my head on your shoulder when your close enough; you'll feel it in how I kiss you cause you know our lips hold secret messages, I pull in closer hoping that one will get stuck on my lips. Maybe it's how I hang on too much & it's why I try to figure out what I did so I can fix it. So you can stay. I don't want to lose you& if each time I wrote that as a prayer, I would have lost count of how many I've said. I don't even know how much of that has changed since the last time we talked just tell me & maybe you would have if I would just ask you. I keep trying to tell myself that if you'd answer me when I called then maybe I could ask you, but you didn't so I find myself writing this poem again or maybe for the first time, but I have lost count.