Because you know me. You knew me all too well, every bit of me and I think that still kinda scares me about you. How I could ever be as vulnerable with someone as I was with you and for them to just leave me. Yet you took all of my fears and exploited that knowledge, discovered all of my weaknesses, and then turned around making more to add courtesy of your ego and my willingness to give you the whole self, I didn’t even know I had in my possession.
Because you knew me and it didn’t seem to have taken long enough to know all the right words to say to me that wouldn’t set off any red flags and yet when you did, you always had something up your sleeves that made convincing me to ignore them and to go against my better judgment easy.
Because you had ways to turn those red flags into roses before my very eyes, later offering them to me as id supplements to yet another apology, to make up for sending me to yet another automated voicemail box “Where the ‘user’ you are trying to contact can not come to the phone at the moment, please leave a message after the tone,” as I always do, but you never listen to them even if I call back to back...What’s the point? You told me to use my resources and even listed yourself as one of them...Where are you now?
It’s because you knew me,
You knew the ghosts of the past that still followed me.
It’s because you swallowed them whole, leaving me with no more than the memory of them, no more than what you left me with the memory of who I was before you.
It’s because when you devoured them, you left me with nothing more than your words in their place and
It’s because of your words are still what keeps me up at 3:47 in the morning, wishing that the part of me that still exists, the one who wants you to be in bed beside me, to give me something more positive than my two cats to wake up to, would die off and get cremated.
So if I saw you again and I don't look in the same eyes I used to get lost in to escape my reality, but now not looking in them would help to escape that reality you’ve seemed to become.
It’s because I know you and I guess I know your eyes not only knew me too, but also saw depths into me I wasn’t willing to let others see.
It’s because looking into your eyes, now, could somehow conjure up who I used to be, then, and she wouldn’t have a body to come back to. She’d already had a funeral for and has been buried.
It’s because of you. she’ll have to retreat back into the shadows, right where you first found me, but somehow,
you still knew me.
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