To The First Man Who Called Me A Queen and Meant It

 I assume you never knew how powerful words can be to a once lonely girl. A once lonely girl whose only friends at times were her thoughts and the words that those words invoke.

I guess you really knew what it meant to me afterward when I brought my general reaction up in the conversation days later, when I told you in that split second the red sea of my life parted and all I could see was the final destination of a home was right there in front of me. All I had yet to do was build a bridge so I could cross before I could finally get there.

I could only assume your reaction from behind your mask, from behind the screen.

I could only assume what the story you pasted together in your mind of me and why I could have gotten as excited as I did. My message to you would only you probably didn’t even scratch the surface,  or have even dug deep enough to reach the casket that I’ve buried myself years ago that is now the final resting place of who I once was.

The girl who has seemed to have been drafted in a war that she wouldn’t just be the battlegrounds for, but both of the rival armies. 

A girl who when she looked in the mirror all she saw was the hurricane that still hasn’t hit yet and the war that was, and the war that has yet to have been decided to take place.

The girl that knows for a fact that when she is looked at she is being looked upon with the eyes of a sheep, but that was before you.

Cause now this same girl sees you and sees the little slice of heaven, the little cut of the “American Dream” everyone keeps bragging about, that health pack that everyone keeps saying is right there if you just look for it.

To the person who called me a Queen for the first time and meant it, before you could have to swear that the health packs tt I’ve found are all just disguised grenades ready to blow up in my face. Before you, I thought the best way to survive without giving up first was to go along the path solo, to define myself in front of a jury without a lawyer.

If only you knew how much you have changed this changed that woman she became and how much you hanged the woman that the two have yet to become.