Poetic Response # Turtles All The Way Down

"I took his hand and part of me wanted to tell him I love him, but I wasn't sure if I really did. Our hearts were broken in the same places. That's something like love, but maybe not quite the thing itself."

--John Green.

(Turtles all the way down)

I mean…

No, what I really mean is so far so good.

No tears being shed,

No deep awkward silence,

not yet,

Hopefully not ever.

Take a deep breath in,

slowly let it out,

regulate your heart rate

don't let him know-how…

how excited yet

equally mortified you are.

So far so good, 

I mean 

I'd eventually have to remove my Band-Aid

and 

get vulnerable again. 

Pretty sure he feels the same way, 

yet, 

looks distracted. 

Could it be that he's given himself the same lame excuse for a pep talk? 

Hey, 

that means 

I'm not the only one who's nervous here? 

Calm down, 

breathe, 

The girl breathes in and out,

think of something else. 

Let him know he's not alone. 

I put my hand on his and smile, 

he smiles back... 

But only half one,

a shy one, 

an "I know what you're trying to do, but thank you anyway" smile.

I mean... 

What else can I do, 

I mean I really into this day. 

Wait... 

This is a date right? 

I'm not too high-strung, 

I'm not forcing myself on you... 

Am I? 

Stop worrying no panic attacks. 

Breath... 

He suddenly Smiles, 

my heart stops, 

my worry stops, 

my short-lived pending attack also stops,

hell the world around us, 

the Earth's rotation, 

the people that surround us disappear and stop, he turns towards me and 

lightens the mood. 

He squeezes my hand 

and my cheeks turn red 

our hands intertwined 

and our lips slowly, 

tenderly get intimate. 

What was I worried about? 

Breathe, 

don't breathe so hard, 

don't hold your breath. 

Enjoy

Our lips grow 

further and further 

apart my eyes are still closed 

yet 

I feel his eyes lingering 

and 

admiring my hot pink cheeks 

and with my cloud 9 smile.

I open my eyes to only think 

that I will wake up from a dream, 

but

quickly and pleasantly proven wrong. 

I don't know how to handle it. 

I almost forgot how to 

and

that I needed to breathe. 

Take a deep breath in, 

let it out slowly, 

not all at once. 

Give your lungs a chance to do what they need, 

give your life a chance to heal before you get too excited. 

Give him a chance to make up his mind, 

make sure this is what he wants. 

So you know for sure this won't last long. 

Don't worry,

don't allow lingering thoughts, 

breathe and enjoy. 

Understand that you are not the only one who's been hurt in the past. 

Acknowledge that though it's not the same. 

But. 

It stung like a branding iron in the same place. 

Cause

in a way 

the two of you didn't get 

branded, 

the two of you can't just wake up 

and forget the pain. 

Just understand the slow and steady wins the race. 

Breathe, 

not too hard, 

not too fast. 

So far so good... 

Breathe.