She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

Get in line, a single file line;

One foot in front of the other -

do not complain.

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

Do as I say, not as I do.

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

Listen to the rhythm of my boots, listen to the sound of my voice & how it can crumble walls ... 

with vigure when it vibrates loud enough.

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

You know it literally hurts when I smile.

Do you care?

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

Sometimes I wonder if you follow me just because I am technically the one in charge.

We do this all for the appearance - 

to keep it up, so we don't become the unapproachable Black Girl.

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

most people tell me to smile, they're not smiling themselves,

I'm not a believer who thinks smiling could be contagious.

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

They say that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. What gateway does a smile lead to?

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

When I smile, I find myself wondering what the point is? 

My gap is still there & I'm sure no one will find that hole dug in the middle of nowhere, 

fall in it if I don't look, a gap in my mouth, cute.

She smiles when it pains her to move the muscles needed to do so:

sometimes when I smile, I forget how to breathe.

Alone isn't Alone

Long after the music qued,

before the seasons changed

I had grown a body & lessons were forced

upon me. I soon

learned that my body did not come

unaccompanied, it did not come without

a heart beating beneath my breast, but even

then I knew that my heart was not what men

wanted. For that to be what they wanted, I'd have to find a way to disguise it better

fit their desires, I had

to fit into their mission, make it something that

they can not live without, however, for me

to have done so, I feared that I had to learn a lesson that hadn't been taught to me

yet. I had to learn how to

be more than I am & maximize on what I am

less than. I sing a song that the birds

didn't mimic, so I gave it to an 

orchestra for them to make art out of it,

but I wasn't ashamed that I couldn't have done it alone,

because even I know - alone isn't alone,

but I learned that

Of the wisest of the wisest, God knew what

was to come even if I didn't.

Hold My Hand

Hold my hand with stable security,

I'm no older than a toddler; you are my

definition of safety before

I can even say the word.

Hold my hand & promise that you won't let it go,

let your hand become roots, my hand

the ground that it's steadfast in.

I am the fruit that blossomed from all

your protection.

Things that People Said Never Forgotten

You told me I was a blemish

and for as long as I can remember,

I believed you.

I called the acne on my face,

me 'growing into myself'

and you criticized me

for my appearance.

I wanted protection, but you gave me

barriers of things to climb over,

expectations to reach and standards to appeal to.

I'm worried ABOUT BECOMING LIKE YOU, so

I refused to receive your title.

I remember our conversations

like a giving ceremony,

I gave you my ears and listened

to all your crude remarks and all the 

things I failed you on.

I was never good enough,

still not, and yet you're 'proud of me'

I'm still at the waistside

that I feel by years ago,

waiting for an approval that never came,

that I know won't come, but I'm still waiting.

You called me a blemish,

now I try to make sure my face

stays clear of any imperfections.

I try to keep out of your way

but it is easier said than done.