Star Constellations

Looking above it’s hard to see the stars as anything other than a family; A family I can both relate to & not all at the same time.

I used to look up at the stars as a form of declaration, a sign of certainty, a ‘must be’ in a world full of so many ‘let the chips fall where they may’ Doing so used to give me some sort of comfort. 

The stars, the constellations, groups of families, as if being extended values of themselves, different & imperfect.

I used to look up at the stars as if they resembled my possibility of being. If they did so will I. So I dreamed of a time in which I would ascend into the sky, becoming a star & a little girl like I used to be would point me out naming me as her star.

I remember when I was little I had picked out a star out of all the rest as an articulation of how I felt. I’d watch as the shine of the star fluctuated, this simple fact, this demonstration put more into words than I even knew how to at the moment.

She’d give me a name & she would admire me. She’d see me separately from all the rest, see me as a face when everyone else would just see a burning ball of fire.

It wasn’t until I was well into adulthood that I separated prayer from wishing, looking at it as wishing had matured into prayer, just as I had matured from girl -- girlhood into woman -- womanhood.