Silence

Silence

The world outside of these four walls

Being just as out of reach as a cobblers chocolate 

chip cookie on the top shelf of the pantry.

Silence

once again slamming the doors shut behind me,

like a draw bridge of a tower

making them impenetrable with barbed wires and bullet prof metals

making them unopenable from the outside with 

locked chains wrapped between the handles like slinky coils

Silence 

you finally allowed the room around me to stop rotating

I can feel the smile that was once plastered on my face 

like the posters on the walls of my prison cell 

smear and melt off the surface of my face 

like makeup once a drop of sweat attacks

Silence

you have learned not to keep me to my own devices 

You have taught my mind that my body and my heart are the enemies, 

the ones who deserve this solitary confinement so we can finally be safe.

You have allowed my thoughts to play the records of every

“I love you” lost loved ones and twist their words to better tighten the restraints,

The better and sooner cut off the air supply so 

I become nothing but a cute little piece of 

furniture you have the abilities to say you own.

Silence 

You have become the master of my sleep patterns, 

my self-love movements,

you’ve been in charge of my free time the people 

that I am able to use every dime on the dollar to use 

in hopes, they haven’t forgotten me.

You have manipulated my schedule, molding them 

as kids playing with slim,

I’ve tried to find ways out, to slip through the cracks and 

see more light then I have in years 

Silence

You’ve given worry and fear full rain over my emotions, 

Young girl,

 Young girl,

new delicate woman

why cry your eyes out

why have your tear be counted like

mistakes you've made

why stab yourself in the back 

when so many others have done that for you.

My sweet delicate woman

you're still to leave childish dreams along with

Disney-like expectations behind you.

Do not surrender your rights, your body, 

your dreams to the one who's fast asleep 

covered in his own security of metaphors,

of hidden words you've told yourself

you've found,

that he's given you.

Dear sweet newborn of a woman,

rest well tonight.

Fight against the lost efforts to reach out,

ignore the urge to tell him to acknowledge  

that you wish to fall asleep in his arms tonight,

wrap yourself in your covers and into 

a dream he is not allowed,

whisper the words 

you wish to hear 

without an ounce of bittersweetness, 

hold yourself and let the inevitable come to you.

Dear tender girl

sweet fragile woman

know their someone out there who 

will hold you without an ounce of selfishness to it, 

who look at you as you are without 

eyes intended to mold you in any way, but will take you in as his

Growing

you saying you've grown yet

boy your metallic touch 

no longer exists in my body,

your moon's winter 

luminous and attention-seeking 

is no longer in my sky,

the if you and I,

a dream of beautiful mist has died

I'm no longer anxious

I always to live, to try to just see 

my sweet wings 

fly above the world that used to 

be your domain

anxious

anxious,

It’s a quiet lazy pitch-black tunnel.

a private urge to fix yourself 

or be fixed by someone else’s hands,

It’s a doubtful dreams

Beautiful, glistening  with an abundance

of sweat droplets like glitter 

not radiant but repulsive.

anxious,

stong arms trying to scare you

stealing rest and self-love

a thousand times a day,

nonstop like your heart racing 

during a panic attack, yet

endless like the first night of winter

Waiting for the sun and that never seems to come.

My child don’t be anxious,

for this to will come to

a slow, but abrupt end

so please breathe and dream again

just don’t be

anxious.