I Don’t Need Anything, But You

I Don’t Need Anything, But You

December 19, 2014

Standing smake dab of the 

Middle of the Pittsburgh mills

Shopping center.

People 

I haven’t really kept

In touch with yet still family,

Surrounds me and my close-knit family. 

Which is,

My mother, brother, sister, great grandmother.

Awkward.

My mom and I both felt it.

My eyes

Linger on the front door.

Not, 

Wanting someone who knows me,

To come in and see me.

My mom

Standing next to my uncle, 

her brother; she seems almost annoyed by him. 

The two of them having more 

then a brother and sister relationship, 

it always amazes me.

How distant they could be, 

yet how close they can get over one

phone call. 

It gives me hope my brother and I will
also learn to love each other despite flaws and differences. 

Standing directly between my cousin and little brother, 

they're kind of like the Shazam kids; sharing a connection that 

I'll never understand and up two times. 

I'll never experience it. 

My grandmother is also in here. 

She's in her wheelchair holding my little sister who leans on her. 

She looked healthy and maybe because she was good at hiding her pain,

much like I've learned to do over the years. 

I still find it hard to believe that only years later after 

the picture was taken she is no longer here anymore. 

She isn't smiling, 

maybe due to her under the surface pain, 

slash more genuine feeling. 

Looking back I wish I was the one who was close to her.

The 5th Step

Childhood,
Elementry
1. I thought you were, the world and
me sitting on your shoulders
on what seemed to be middle of you
were me doing so in the world.

2.  I thought you were,
my own apartment. Where
I used to hide and try to stray from youthful. Trouble.

3. You were my farewell lookout. Where
I'd stand closest to the window
to see mommy and daddy, leave.
To only return, after
what felt like forever.

4. You were my home plate.
My bridge between me and my grandfather.
You held and still hold his chair
where sitting on it is
almost like sitting on his lap.

5. You made me feel safe.
Getting home from school,
finally reaching you, felt like, everything
that bothered me
couldn't get past you.

Adolescent,
Middle school
6. You were still my safe house.
I'd run up the stairs to get to you.
Completly outta breath,
when I finally did do so and
as if all the air that had left out my lungs,
that seemed to escape me and
that I was missing
was waiting for me there. With you.

7. I don't feel alone. When
I'm with you.

8. I shed tears on your shoulders. I've
contemplated death or even just running away.

Simi Adulting,
Growing Pains,
High School
9. I ran to you
when I heard the news. About
Great- Grandma's death.

10. I've had fall outs
with friends on your shoulders and
though you've never met them,
you've heard their voice.
You moaned as I continued to rest on your shoulders
as if you felt my pain.

11. You're always been that
the good foundation I needed
when nobody else was there.

12.  You gave me that
" Your majesty has arrived" appeal
while
I walked past you
wearing my prom dress. You
lifted my dress' back and
played trumpets. Only
I heard as I proceeded
down the stairs.
Out to the ball. I'd
remember forever after.

13. The day after
you gave me more trumpets
as I wore my cap and gown.
 Trumpets of success.
You didn't make a sound,
almost too silent
as if to hide being scared to say goodbye.
But
when I came back it was as if you changed. You
said nothing.

Totally Adulting,
College,
Present life
14. You stayed silent
for awhile.
Maybe it's because I'm gone more.

15. You comforted me and cried with me as I paced back and forth.
Almost as I did so beside me. As
my relationship died. The whole thing I held and protected like a treasure. I
thought it was a shared treasure. When
it was just my beautiful nothing.

16.  You're that childhood friend. That
stayed with me,
the longest relationship. I have.

Me in Words

Winds carry aromas/
time shatters the day/
school /
isn't always a piece of cake /
yet, more like a dark room without a flashlight. /
Figure it out / Life or death/sleep or being woke. /
Never found the end of a rainbow /
never saw one close enough to the ground for me/
to find the courage to want to chase it. /
I hate writing = I love writing /
my body is 90% of water /
so why do I need to drink it? /
Pink is my emotion /
Pink is just a color /
Red is my blood /
Red is also just a color /
it's the last thing I see when you piss me off. /
Love is a mystery /
Love is a fantasy /
I love to fantasize over.

Definition of Poetry

See,
asking me
how has poetry has been a part of my life?
Is like asking me
how was it like inside my mother's womb as a newly conceived baby?

Asking me where actually do I like reading poetry?
Is like asking me
where have I been that I didn't feel like taking a nap at?
It's not that simple.

Poetry has been taught to me like magic.
How to cast spells with words.
I've become fond of the protection spell,
all that's needed is punctuation,
how to build a world with a stanza and
continue to create a semi-accurate love potion with genuine compassion.

Poetry is found like an I spy game.
It could be in a person face or attitude,
in weather, temperature and the lack thereof.
It could be easily spotted in books, but interpretations often change
like seasons or amounts of wealth.
Poetry is often found on television
with people's concerns and hopes.
Full of ambition is my definition of poetry. 

Reality's Fine Point

Reality comes to a fine point.
A fine point
usually used to pop the bubble
your expectations have become.
However,
for that split second
it takes to pop that bubble,
you come to understand and contemplate why it happens so fast
cause you understand it took years.
So many years to form that bubble.
So many years for you to finally get confident enough
to the point,
you almost didn't worry about your perfect little bubble popping on you.
Now it's all gone.
Why?
Cause reality comes to that fine point that just put an end to that perfect bubble you used to have.

Falling In Love, Barely Falling

Why is it falling in love is like this?

Why is it

that people are always falling in love with me, but

people are never really falling in love with me?

What I mean is,

the right one is never the one falling for me.

It's the 2nd semester, 3rd time

someone said they really like me,

said they really want to become more than friends with me, or threw me off guard and kissed me.

It's the 2nd semester, 1 year, and 2nd week

still in the friend zone,

all things good, but keeping me in arm's length, but

not to any delight of mine.

It's the 2nd semester, 1 year, and 2nd week 

of me being the one in love and me being the one wanting to be more than just friends.

I'm on a Journey

Today has been a journey.
a journey that's better told in song
cause right now
I feel as old as time.
Things, emotions, and thoughts tell me I'm correct.

Today has been a journey.
A journey better explained through words unspoken.
Cause as the days go on,
not every word I wanna use to express my emotions is used.
If every word
that I had not spoken aloud
came together collectively
they'd fill every library book,
they'd fill every journal and notebook,
they'd configure as constellations in night skies,
they'd formulate as people in dreams and
be the mission statement of every argument.
I'm speechless
not in the since I don't know what to say, but
in how to say it.

I'm speechless
cause I know I'm on a journey and today proved it.