Anxiety

Anxiety is clothing-something that clogs up my now, but isn't really in the way so I just leave it there. I sift through it to try to put stuff together, and outfit, but something even after laying it out there's still too many stains, too many wrinkles for me to ignore, that's even after going through it to put out the body odor that lingers from the other day, that last conversation or that night I was so tired I fell asleep in them &; woke up in cold sweats, prayers, but I try not to complain, being able to do so comes with a price, my smile, the one that isn't always so bright, but still creates lights that I can't bathe in. It's okay, because I've gotten myself out of most of it, learn to dos - the do nots, a lesson that comes like ripped jeans, or shirts I forgot I even had.

It's a fool's game to keep falling for your flesh's desires and dealing with the repercussions, but still think you're ready for the relationship God has for you (a realization that hurt too much for me to have not gotten sooner)

And she learned what she had been forewarned, you love some and you learn some but you can only love others as much as you love yourself 

Now tell me how can you pour out of an empty picture?

She said that she was going to be able to get a hold of 

A prince 

If only she can avoid the time of writing 

Poems about pain she had felt just to 

Learn a lesson she could have avoided having to learn the way she had. 

She'd say that she was a little concerned about the fact that she was in a different place 

One that wasn't fictional so how would she find the man she was convinced to be the prince who would provide for her... If where she was didn't have princes in shinning armor but guys that could render her happier than was ever written in fairytale endings

To exist in the bare minimum existence: a series of beginninzgs#8

Are you the new person I'd be drawn towards? *After 'are you the new person I'd be drawn towards' by: Walt Whitman

Am I the person you speak of? 

This is the utmost flattering. 

My smile shines brighter than even the brightest named star in our galaxy; 

My heart, an athletic gymnast, 

doing somersaults perfected for your appreciation, 

but I don't think I'm the person you speak of. 

You speak of - a sent by GOD that you're not worthy to be in the presence of, but I'm being faithful - 

The role should be reversed... 

You are a trusty & so faithful, 

as I- I am more a housewife You dare not bring to mother. 

I am not the person you speak of. 

I am the person who will stay up all night getting no rest because you are on my mind,

when words that don't even mention you conjure you up. 

Oh, I wish that English was easy enough to speak around you 

for the person you text relies on autocorrections to be able to sound of a fair mind to you. 

So yes, oh dreamer, 

it is your illusion that's left you a drift that then led you to stumble upon me 

hoping to accompany me upon my path over & over again & to that I shall not complain.

Lasagna-Self Portait

She has layers that not everyone

can get down with,

Yes, her personality is cheesy,

but is that not the best part?

The cheese pulls that ripen tension,

the laughter - she is the comfort.

I can remember the beef;

the times. the places, the days filled with all the above

that made me who I am,

but that's only the tip of this ice-burbrt-ous dish

cause you still don't understand.

All the things that bring me depth,

my layers of all that I am

come from things that

I have not said

some of which have been

written down, so I guess you could say

that those layers, the noodles

of my being, my foundtion are made out of parchment, but is still hearty.

Sticker Star Questions as an Adult

Tonight I turn the lights off.

My sticker stars didn't glow.

Sometimes I wonder, are they and I somehow connected?

Am I ready to receive the answer?

Do they glow when my soul is where it's supposed to be?

Trancendent, heavenly;

the way it used to be before I knew & I lived the definition of gravity.

Do they glow when my mind is the clearest?

A house after spring cleaning or after having

a brain-dump session written till the words come out, dried up & forced rather than natural & lively.

Or do the stars glow when I need them to?

When the world around me is the darkest;

when the voices - internal or external - 

are the loudest' when my soul wants to be the peace keeper, but realizes 

there's not much peace to keep if there's none to begin with.

Does GOD tell my sticker stars when to glow?

To catch my attention just long enough to lull me to sleep like an infant watching a mobile.