What they say

 They say it starts off the same way

for me, it always has-

I just hope this time is as different 

as promised.

She used to love me

She used to love me.

She learned that love

wasn't something that 

I was worthy of.

She used to love me &

I used to love her;

we used to just continue

on with that gsme

of cat & mouse until

we grew tired of it.

Her heart was somewhere else & it was

my fault because

I was the one

misplaced it in the

first place.

She used to love me

now I will never be happy again

with the understanding that

'used to' means in the definite past.

And I, as a woman, have become accustomed to that.

If she hides enough

she becomes more like the moon

hiding behind the clouds

that becomes protection.

I, as a woman, wish that

was all I had to be, but

too often than none

I realize it's not that easy.

Life is never that simple.

I, as a woman, wish that there

was a manuscript out there

that could have warned me.

If she hides enough, she becomes more like

the moon hiding behind the clouds,

illuminating, creating light 

she doesn't even get to see.

I've had people compliment on my smile.

Tell me that my smile can light up a room.

In that moment, I feel like the moon

creating a light.

Creating something that I never get to experience.

And I, as a woman, have become accustomed to that.

HOW THINGS CHANGE

I'm not concerned with the

happily-ever after that, 

I was convinced that I wanted 

when I was a child.

I wished religiously almost

as much as I prayed traditionally.

My dreams were nothing short of being fairytale-worthy;

now, all I want is love.

the love that my parents have for each other.

I don't want anything short of romance, but

nothing on the extreme-. expectations of

being perfect or to come with 

a crown like a cake topper.

I bit my tongue when saying this,

the fear that since I crave

the love my parents have,

means that I'll become my parents

I will forfit this ripple effect, but

will tread lightly.

I'm not concerned with

the happily-ever after

I was convinced that I wanted 

when I was a child.

now being more engulfed with the 

realization that I have to be

my own happily-ever after

before I become one with someone else &

begin our own story book.