What they say

 They say it starts off the same way

for me, it always has-

I just hope this time is as different 

as promised.

She used to love me

She used to love me.

She learned that love

wasn't something that 

I was worthy of.

She used to love me &

I used to love her;

we used to just continue

on with that gsme

of cat & mouse until

we grew tired of it.

Her heart was somewhere else & it was

my fault because

I was the one

misplaced it in the

first place.

She used to love me

now I will never be happy again

with the understanding that

'used to' means in the definite past.

And I, as a woman, have become accustomed to that.

If she hides enough

she becomes more like the moon

hiding behind the clouds

that becomes protection.

I, as a woman, wish that

was all I had to be, but

too often than none

I realize it's not that easy.

Life is never that simple.

I, as a woman, wish that there

was a manuscript out there

that could have warned me.

If she hides enough, she becomes more like

the moon hiding behind the clouds,

illuminating, creating light 

she doesn't even get to see.

I've had people compliment on my smile.

Tell me that my smile can light up a room.

In that moment, I feel like the moon

creating a light.

Creating something that I never get to experience.

And I, as a woman, have become accustomed to that.

HOW THINGS CHANGE

I'm not concerned with the

happily-ever after that, 

I was convinced that I wanted 

when I was a child.

I wished religiously almost

as much as I prayed traditionally.

My dreams were nothing short of being fairytale-worthy;

now, all I want is love.

the love that my parents have for each other.

I don't want anything short of romance, but

nothing on the extreme-. expectations of

being perfect or to come with 

a crown like a cake topper.

I bit my tongue when saying this,

the fear that since I crave

the love my parents have,

means that I'll become my parents

I will forfit this ripple effect, but

will tread lightly.

I'm not concerned with

the happily-ever after

I was convinced that I wanted 

when I was a child.

now being more engulfed with the 

realization that I have to be

my own happily-ever after

before I become one with someone else &

begin our own story book.

The Bridge

 She couldn't cross;

couldn't manage to move one foot in front of the other,

couldn't manage forward regardless of whether she wanted to or not.

What's stopping you?

Her feet were tethered to the ground,
she - the tree, her feet - the roots searching for something - nourishment that wasn't available on the side she currently resided.

I could see the hesitation radiating off of her,

I saw the indecisiveness painted on her face like evening makeup.

She couldn't cross;
the wind held the property of a voice, it began to speak... It knew her name... It knew her weakness too and how to use it effectively.

What's the hold up?

It told her not to move,
told her that the bridge could giveaway under her feet;

I go to reach for her hand,

to let her know that everything is alright, but she snatched her hand away,

still deadpan staring at what's in front of her.

She - herself knew she couldn't swim, she knew she wouldn't be able to float on account that she wouldn't drop the baggage that she carried.

Stop letting yourself stop you-

She couldn't cross;

I knew how prone she was to being deceived by the wind, granting it/her anxiety a voice that only she could hear. the other side.

She was weary of the stranger she'd meet on

People think she's beautiful because they assume she wouldn't speak.

They say that ignorance is bliss.

If they never knew the words that she holds in her mouth,

behind her hated teeth,

protected & on the top of her tongue

ready to jump off like a swimmer

off a diving board;

They'll never be able to judge her,

genuinely judge her.

The Bridge: Outter Omniscient Narrative

What's stopping you?

I could see the hesitation radiating off of her,

I saw the indecisiveness painted on her face like evening makeup.

What's the hold up?

I go to reach for her hand,

to let her know that everything is alright, but she snatched her hand away,

still deadpan staring at what's in front of her.

Stop letting yourself stop you-

I knew how prone she was to being deceived by the wind, granting it/her anxiety a voice that only she could hear.

And what was in the forest?

And what was in the forest?

It was whatever she needed,

Someone who'll be there

for her when no one else wanted to be.

Someone who's like her mother, but

is not her mother-

a non-smoker, a non-harasser.

Some to step in as 

a reflection when the

person staring back at

me in the mirror wants a day off.

And what was in the forest?

It was whatever she wanted

it to be.

Her confidence,

Attached to her backbone-

A friendship that has unlikely

could have been dreamed up.

Wished for.

Her spirit is safe inside a bottle;

a message

that's personalized for 

whoever finds it.

Herself, her true self.

the person she used 

to be before

she became broken.

The Bridge : Outter Narrative

She couldn't cross;

couldn't manage to move one foot in front of the other,

couldn't manage forward regardless of whether she wanted to or not.

Her feet were tethered to the ground, 

she - the tree, her feet - the roots searching for something - nourishment that wasn't available on the side she currently resided.

She couldn't cross;

the wind held the property of a voice, it began to speak... It knew her name... It knew her weakness too and how to use it effectively.

It told her not to move,

told her that the bridge could giveaway under her feet;

She - herself knew she couldn't swim, she knew she wouldn't be able to float on account that she wouldn't drop the baggage that she carried.

She couldn't cross;

She was weary of the stranger she'd meet on the other side.

Unpluckable

I feel the most beautiful

when I'm not seen.

I hide where I'm not expected-

where people have assumed

I wouldn't thrive, but

Ha, I am just that type of creation;

A watch me do just that, being.

I feel the most beautiful when the wind

can not affect me,

where the rain that waters me

has fallen down your checks,

kissing you clean,

after the wind has assisted in your baptism, before it

hits the ground as a reminder

that you, too, were a part of

my nourishment, a realization.

I feel more beautiful knowing

I am no different than the others in the field,

this concert serves as my protector.

I feel the most beautiful in the dark,

where you won't see me, cause then-

You won't pick me.

Oh Child

Oh Child,

She couldn't have wanted to grow up fast enough,
her heart,
her heart,
a gentle giant, a creature that sees every interaction as a form of love, 

love that strangers or family alike can provide.
She couldn't have wanted to grow up fast enough,
to be able to make her own decisions by herself fast enough,
she couldn't wait for the life that seemed just out of reach to finally begin.

                              ---

Sweet Teen-ager: 
She couldn't have wanted to grow up fast enough,
she saw all the things that she wanted but could not yet have, just in the distance.
Her heart,
her heart,
a gatherer of information, experience, of dreams.
She swears that the world could be hers if only she could write it fast enough, put every detail about everything around her with the utmost respect.
The only thing(s) that ever got in her way was herself.

                              ---

Young adult-
She just wanted to be.
She wanted to flourish,
she wanted to be, and she wanted to be her authentically.
The world never stopped spinning since she was born, but now she finds herself feeling the rotation.
She's still her parents' baby girl,
but she's no longer a 'baby' girl.
She missed that simplicity,
she missed that weightlessness when the load she carries now was non-existent.

                              ---

A Tale from the Present;
Once upon a time, I couldn't have wanted to grow up fast enough, but now I'm here.
I couldn't have wanted to mature fast enough, but now I'm here.
I can make my own decisions, but I learned that
there's a consequence that comes along with each one.
I wish I could cradle her and show her the beauty in taking things slow.
The Earth's rotation is a perfect example of slow and steady.
During the fall, the leaves change slowly but surely.
I was formed with that same slow precision.

A trainless thought

I don't have a train of thought.

My thoughts range more like going through

an old attic, arranging words like old

photographs to piece together something

coherent to say to you, so you know how I

feel, how emotions are something to me

more estranged than a strict father & his kids,

how my work ethic is as strong as a community mother,

but my own happiness... my joy is an antsy teen that don't like 

coming out of her room. I am a 'I can do it all' person, turns superhero

till I realize that the only reason I can't fly is because - I promised my cap

to someone I thought was more super than me. So I don't have a train of thought,

most days, I don't feel like I could be the conductor of anything.

Written Truth to Her

When you looked for the vape

it was like you were looking for something else.

I could never be that something

that you were looking for

cause I was right in front of your face.

the tears, a silent thanks to God

 heartbroken this conversation-

a little girl,

her own voice, a honey,

Deeper drifting into dreams

she whispered - " I love you"

to my heart - 

the tears, a silent thanks

to God  

It's Cause You Chose Me

How come you chose me & if the world allowed you a redo, would 

you make the same decision all over again?

I look in the mirror & Cannot see what you see.

It's not that I refuse the mirror that you hold up to me, 

but looking into it is a different story.

I look in & try to find the facts that I'm not so sure is true, 

the ones that are so easily spotted in everyone else's view of me, and I don't see any.

I still feel blind, pulling the mirror in closer, trying to get as many angles all at once as I can, 

so I can see myself more fully, so I can hopefully spot something, show you & by doing so, 

maybe you'd let me down faster than you would if you found it yourself.

How come you chose me & if the world allowed you a redo, would you 

make the same decision all over again?

I try to ask myself the same questions, finding myself with the same responses.

It's cause you chose me.

Self Portrait as the Sky

Emotions: pages of a book being Changed without being read/or glanced at, filled with depth that could make someone whole/if that someone wanted to be whole.

Emotions: something I force behind clouds like closet doors, all the seasons in me (anger of summer heat, the sadness of spring rain, but they say tears are cleansing water & who doesn't feel better after a good cry, walls/the separation of winter, with all the colorful personality of fall) but with the indecisiveness of mother nature, unsure of if I should trust you with my emotions, worried about if I drop a bomb shell on you that you weren't prepared for. Unlike the weather, there are no forecasts you can prepare for me. 

Rain Diamonds

Have you ever looked at the rain droplets on a car window when the car is in park?

They twinkle like diamonds.

Being God made, they're more valuable.

Oh Legend I'm Very Enjoyed Resplendent

 She hadn't smiled like that before

She wished she hadn't smiled at all

for the first time till she saw you, that means

you'd be the cause for that sunshine.

Dreaming Bout You

Our lips met in a dream.

I didn't see your face, but I knew-

I just knew it was you

Mourning Whatever This Was

Under these circumstances, falling

out of love with you has become 

my first death,

all sensations revolving around

you is falling asleep & into a slumber

they'll never awake from.

I miss you, I do.

Just as I would miss & mourn

someone no longer living.

little voices

 a legend didn't really happen -

stories, silence

could hear the truth.

the spirit in the dark

is a question

full of love & little voices

Dreaming Paradox

Have you ever had a dream

where you dreamed?

This world has become a world 

without itself,

A place with layers,

A place full of people

who have forgotten

how to be human/

P.O.E.M

Peace of mind that the obstacles that arise are ones that I will eventually

Overcome with assistance from God, with understanding, I can do all things

Even those that feel impossible at the moment.

Maybe I can't fly, but I haven't gotten over the obstacles that I put in front of myself over to God enough for him not only to become my wings but to be the wind beneath them.

Overly Lyrical Introvert Valiant Evermore Rhine

Her mind 

was noisy

when she

texted him.

There was

no right

no wrong

way of 

texting him.

There was

no right

or wrong

way to

be her,

around hi,.

She simply

just had 

to be.

Sweet Dreams

If my dreams were anything

like you

I'd never want to wake up.

She sat still for a moment.

The world seemed loud,

but she doesn't know

how to hear it,

how to decipher all the noise.

She sat still for a minute.

Her thoughts,

a world of its own

accompanied by nose

of its own that she

can't seem to silence.

She wants to learn from it all,

somehow, she just doesn't

know how.

Emotions Represented

The clouds are out today.

I don't even need to look up at the sky

to know because

my soul

feels in the shadows today.

In Control of the Sticker Stars?

 Does my inner child have a light switch wherever she is

to turn them on/off?

Does she tell them when to glow

to serve as a reminder

that she's still there?

storytime

left from the past experiences - 

campgrounds of campfires & lanterns, 

all the places by nature were 

almost reluctant hearts, pray briefly, 

where the conversations happened.

When You say You Know Me Better than I Know Myself

Sometimes I wonder how people really know me better than I do. I guess it makes sense coming from my parents.

I was a baby that they raised, but coming from a friend I'm skeptical.

How do you know me better than I know myself?

Is it that in your own way, one we'd never noticed, as you've raised me too?

Bring me up from a seed of a person

When we first met.

To the person I am now-

With the experiences that I've had&

Growth that I've gone through?

Why?

The question I dread having to answer because I know there are no true answers.

I know the responces I could never give to my parents.

I know the responses I give my friends.

I know the ones that get my blood boiling& my eyes over flowing with tears.

None of them will be given on judgment day-none will be my ticket into Heaven.

I'm not Beethoven

I can't sing a song about you-

there's no melody that'll go with it.

I'll have the words & the paper for them to rest on, but that's the most that I'll be able to do

I can't sing about you.

the world's smallest violin wouldn't work.

any percussion would play louder than my heart pounding -

screaming like a needy child.

I can't sing a song about you

I won't even try.

Even Beethoven would have failed

at doing so.

Couldn't pitch in on the actual song 

there was more out there to create 

for my talents don't rest on my vocals alone, 

my mother knew what she consulted my dad 

on what my name should be. 

the night -

the telling 

of a true story

that she knew -

a sacrifice

the night -

laughing children,

troublemakers 

The Good in People will Prevail

 Her halo sank below her hovering throne,

becoming less of a crown

and more like a pair of eye shields

Even microscopic goodness, she can now see.

Where am I Now?

I can't condone these feelings

for you anymore.

Too many wrong turns

left me in tears-

searching for tissues from behind

the water works & praying to God

between my wines.

Too many "right" turns

had me forgetting myself,

had me convinced that poetry

was the best way to re-experience this love,

an artifact that'll conjure a heart-rebreaking

if we don't last.

Too many detours.

Too many detours left us repeating conversations

that got us nowhere, or

left me wishing I had a compass

so I can get some kind of idea 

where I am.

Truly Speechless

Her thoughts were bitter

cause she had

nothing to say to this man

she used to lovr

robbed her of being 

able to love any further.

Her thoughts were bitter

cause she had nothing to say

she was a writer

but still her mouth ran drier,

with no words on her tongue.

Where My Ribbon Lies

Sometimes I wonder where my ribbon lies.

Would you even be dissolved in guilt if you

had to learn the hard way;

when you see what your desires will really get you?

Find out the hard way in such a way that life

is lost, that a heart's breaking isn't the only 

casualty. Sometimes I wonder if I ended up

like her, would you have even tried to fix me;

find a way to put me back together, or would

you just live with the body rotting & headless?

The body is what you really wanted...Right?

You never needed me to be able to think

for myself in the first place, but by all means

I was never your perfect, pretty little fool

either. Would you even be able to live with

yourself if you couldn't save my life?

What's Inside

Her heart is a mineshaft.

Know how to mind

for the right jewel, but

First, you must hit the right accord.

A Realization

Sometimes I'd rather be silent 

because that means

I don't have to pick the right words

to say.

Being silent allows the silence

to speak for me.

Untold E

I don't know how to engage

with you anymore.

My lips

doesn't meet yours the same

anymore.

My body in your arms

doesn't feel safe anymore.

that moment

the oldest spoke 

of his own father,

a terrible man -

a pure give up

all before the 

legend the heart

to reach of place

the lands beyond

the young warrior -

a broken body

hem grief-stricken

he sacrificed remember

that moment

slowly forming.

Where I'm From (Anniversary Repost)

Past

I came from a quiet place 

for the first five years of my life.

For I was the only child. 

I came from wishing on stars, 

watching Disney movies and 

playing dress up.

I came from a warm home-cooked 

meals every single day.

I came from warnings told and 

not listening.

I came from a place of pink and purple 

were common colors.

For I was the only child.

I came from lessons learned.

I came from wisdom, joy, and love.

I came from experience.

I may not go to church every Sunday.

Yet I worship at home with mom and dad.

For I was the only child.

I came from a mother and father watching 

their little girl's dreams and praying for another playmate.

For I was the only child.

Asking mommy, daddy, May I have a little brother or sister? 

Dreaming and praying for that to come true one day, one day soon.

Closer to the Present

After five years, my dreams and prayers came true.

I then came from a family filled with rejoicement, excitement,

more love, and more experiences.

My little brother was born, named James, and brought home.

I once went from a quiet place to a noisy place.

For now, I’m not the only child anymore.

I came from my son to pick this room up and tell your sister to help.

I also came from both of you to come here and give me a hug.

I came from not being lonely anymore and having someone younger to play with.

Soon I came from going to a place with no understanding.

A new school and a new environment.

Away from my parents.

Still closer yet further than I used to.

I went to a place that made you think and made you learn.

Makes you understand that mom and dad care more than the people outside the family.

I went to a place that made you miss mom, dad, brother, and home-cooked meals every day.

A place where you’re stuck with burnt pizza and overdone food.

Also stuck with mean teachers who act fake to everyone and don’t care as much as your parents.

I went to a place where I knew who I was, but people tried to change that. 

They tried to make me less than myself by bullying me, not caring, and torturing me with hatred and hate-filled comments.

They would often give me fake compliments.

To make me feel less than them. 

I’ve wanted to have a true friend, but I never knew that the friends I have weren't what I was looking for.

I once thought that I had found a true friend, but I didn't know how blind I was to her deceitfulness.

I am from a family of wisdom. 

I came again, praying for another playmate.

However, now asking mommy and daddy Can I have a little sister?

The mother and father still watched their daughter wish for something else.

Closer to present x 2

Five years later, I came from a place filled with more noise, rejoicement, and excitement.

My little sister was born, named Kalena, and brought home.

I quickly came from a room filled with toys on the floor and constantly hearing 

“Baby girl, clean this room up and tell your big brother and sister to help you.”

Again, I went to another place. 

This time with more understanding than before.

I went to a new school and a new environment.

This time still hoping to make a true best friend or even just a friend.

Still learning and making my parents proud.

Getting a lot of assignments.

However, it wasn't impressing the people around me or even myself.

Yet I was impressing GOD, and that's what I needed to focus on. 

I was making impressions on teachers by working hard and acting civilized.

I am from a place where imagination runs wild.

I come from where people can express how they feel. 

I'm most definitely not from a rich family, but I'm definitely from a blessed family.

I am from love, not hate. 

Though I see the opposite from outside my windows every day. 

I came from a place that's heard about gunshots and violence, but never being there in person.

I came from a place that helped me when I was bullied.

They helped me understand that people don't hate me, but the GOD in me. 

Now I understand what they meant. 

I came from a place with understanding where there was none. 

I come from a family of no separation, though there are walls in my house.

I came from a place where it's loud all day but quiet all night. 

I come to a place where I might cry due to being spiritually touched by the presence of GoD, and I don't get judged for it. 

In fact, I may even need to comfort family members for the same reason.

I haven't been the only child for more than eleven years now. 

Wow, God has blessed me in so many ways. 

I'm from a place where dreams are heard. 

I am from home and heaven. 

Yes!!  I am from mistakes made.

I am from a place where people can fit in. 

I am from a place where secrets are never held. The truth is always told. 

If not, we repent if a lie is told. 

I am from a GOD formed family.

I am from a well-known and unknown family.

I am from a family of new and old family members. 

I am from a family that will try to make you happy when you are sad. 

Yet not willing to cross that line that makes me into a brat. 

I came from a GOD blessed family.

Present 

I once again went to a place.

This time with a lot of GoD given understanding.

Where I can work on what I already know and have learned. 

I come from a place I've never thought I would ever enter.

In a state of mind I've never thought I would ever be able to achieve. 

I don't care as much about what others say; I need to change 

So I can be who they want me to be. 

I came from a mother and father, with a brother and a sister.

I came from God.

I have made many mistakes in my short life span,

When I step back and take a look at how wonderful life truly is.

I didn't understand that God will always love me and will take me 

with all my flaws, because he'll take them away from me forever.

I come from laughter.

I come from a love for writing.

I am getting closer and closer to graduating.

I come from more than 795 pages, 151 short stories, and four different journals.

I come from a grieving family.

I am from having a true best friend now.

I have a high GPA.

I am from a cheer squad.

I am from New Beginnings of all types.

I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, my friends.

I come from Growing Pains.

Are you doing your best but still being looked over?

I am asking God to constantly help me.

I come from wanting to do great things and be able to do great things.

I come from embracing my race in my gender, and who I am even more.

I came to quickly realize that people 

will never stop trying to break me down and change me.

They don't phase me anymore.

I come from a family that may struggle at times.

I come from situations of confusion, but I come to understand what has happened.

I come from a family that's all you need to know.

Unspoken Truth

My eyes

are my soul's

camera.

the terrible sadness was quick

 the return

of worth

the late offer

of cold days

wonderfully passing by & a shallow blocked off love,

the legend of the beautiful

retold story -

a love who knew 

the terrible

sadness was quick 

whispering, the battle was lost,

all the confusion

settled himself

after

his daughter

explained there is somewhere,

a voice

kept me

whispering

the battle was lost,

By night

behind the light & the mornings.

sadness

sadness

tangibly heavy

weight of his eyes

were exhausting

had become worked heaviness.

sadness

his chest & heart

liquid remains

he would dream

brief glimpses of

the dark shadows

warning him

After all, he became a whirlwind

like the storm

during the night

the landscape

lay hidden

in the deepest shadows

dreamless The attention

never far

like the storm

the haunting

constant summer

truth

had something

starting to drill

without thinking,

a little girl

with the hand deep in

a piece

beaten with his dreams,

there would be nightmares & gravity.

my hurt - call(s) me

There it was,

her delight - hope

might ease worry

in her voice

I will see tomorrow - Love

looking for candles - leftover

Are you okay?

my hurt - call(s) me

a dumb thing - a cacophony -

dark images - to miss - intense - compassion

Praying is Listening

 a couple     

                knew

                            where 

                                        I think

It's good

to restore

                hope

I wish

            the

            beautiful

             trust

                    was able to not

                    any change

There was a pause, a

                                hush

on the other end

I can't come out of praying,

it feels like listening 

                

My blood are tears

 I hate the fact that I love you, but

I know that it's no doubt that I do.

My heart bleeds every time

I can't run & cry,

my blood are tears that's never been shed.

Worm

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the dirt, literally moving through the pebbles, little—can’t do anything right Chrissy. Not perfect, gotta work twice as hard & yet still makes mistakes that people can laugh at; Chrissy.

I'm trying to push through these pebbles, past the debris that's found its way into my home. I'm trying to get from point A to point B without eluting that I am prey on the move.

Loving YOU

I knew how she might

remembered the first time

a good story became his name,

a prayer

where it's safe. Lost his

since of balance. I'll

remember his heart, who

would dare worry beneath love was-- a surprise--

everything that the storm lifted up

it left behind.

No Answer to the Question

 the mirror thought

It made her, the

wait until home

it knew that the worse looked

hard enough,

the yarning 

for the instant

located the answer, your voice

isn't back yet--

Do ya need me

to leave a message?

Sorry, I

Didn't hear a word you said.

I wasn't born

to tell him

my question

Melting

 to become a--

woman,

the bright read journey

the sudden awareness,

the drumbeat

until eventually

able to stand

the powers of gravity

methodically She decided

to emerge to

her head

a reverse image of

the best of Her

that she found in Herself

Fuel of Confedence

When you face the force of

confidence hugging the --

the beauty of a world

reflected the

brief moment

even if only

It took 

the efforts

the breath-snatching message

Dancing in the Rain

 There's something

joyful about storms

it demands

indivudual experences

a unified sigh

where Nature

her purview

unexpectedly no apologies

needed understand & share

this singular justification,

the heart

that storm

make her own world simply

become adventures.

Desires

 Unleash

a swirling wind

                                                                the God

a blanket of

reason

the better part of home

listening to the sound

of everything

to delight

 

Fighting Reality

 the visible world

                                                                                                        the real world--

I lose touch

                                                my doubts.

final disclaimer's

this story

primarily written

to be read

His story

to myself

a point of view

in these pages

                                                                                                        the

conversations

                                                    are recorded

                                                    are not easy

to talk about.

Keep Going

 he almost quit

                                                                                                                                    that time,

                                                                                                                                                    unspoken--

                                                                                                                                difficult to

                                                                                                                                                    enter a 

                                                                                                                    wounded heart.

                                                                                            an accident

                                                                            to say

                                                                                        the burden--

                                                                            a song

                                                                                                                            i am a

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   ghost--

                                                                                        this story--

                                                            just allure--

                                                                    for months

                                                                                        nonetheless

                                                                                                            never before told.

""

 I suppose

                the mortar

    their family

                    shades of gray

black & white

                common sense

                 the gift it is

pursing dreams

                            considerable

relationship is wide--

is deep

                                a master's degree

                                still at home

                                        late arrival

fond of these pages

remarkable different gentle

                                            become one with no one else   

The Unspoken

 You wouldn't notice

                                                        You don't realize

                                                                the

                                                                        struggle.

                                        He can speak 

                                                                about God

                                                                His eyes

                                        the tenderness

                                                                the God

                                            show(s) up 

                                                                there

                                                beyond understanding

Bubble Burst

I've been told to bite 

my tongue and usually, I would do 

it for sport Because humanity and 

My society told me, convinced me, 

that doing so was right, but for the first time 

you seemed to rename me and 

did so publicly, and when the name 

was bitch. I lost all sight of my temper, my vision, and who I was 

for a moment. Dying in that

instant, coming back to you as what you have named me, 

died again and came back again. 

I told myself that I had 

to slide down, slide down this 

rope that you've handed me and 

see where it goes, but all 

I found was the great Dipper 

full of words that I 

wanted to say, but didn't have the voice to speak. I tossed 

them up to the Stars where 

the stars rejected them and 

shooting stars were born.

I tried to lift Men up, but 

just because the first woman 

came from Men's ribs does 

not mean we needed them 

to learn how to speak. 

Humanity let me down by 

letting men like you rename 

women like me bitch. So how 

can I lift men up, if I as a 

woman is too heavy from 

carrying all the burdens men's 

given me? I bit my tongue 

before but I declare not anymore.

 

Growing Pains

 Thirteen, too young to be

    adapted He talks

            of the world

              picked up a gun

                in his early twenties

                                                eventually

                He came back

as a thinker

                        he does speak

          or ideas & experiences

            he usually makes

            folks know him enough

to stop liking him

he told me

a survival mechanism

to cover his hurts

to reflect on who is

the pen

Forgiveness

never talk about

                                                                                                                                    emotion

                                                                                                            lifeless eyes

                                                                                                                                fall-asleep

                                                                                                            thirteen years

                                                                                                        old 

                                                                                                                learn that

                                                                                    freedom

                                                                                     almost

                                                                                                                                                unearthed

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    from

                                                                    treasure

                                                                                A: 

                                                                                            "Someday I hope 

                                                                                                you can forgive me."

                                                                                                                    For a long time.  

Inner Her

                                                     be skeptical

                                                                with God

                                       and I

                                            conversations

                                                       a family

                                                avoid

                                        her

                              name

                                        somewhere

                a family externally

            gone too early