I forgot how to breathe so I dreamed instead (an apology)

She said she would be there for you. You believed her but never acted on it, so you stayed away till today when you finally decided to come ...

Monday, August 24, 2020

Hidden She-wolf

 Yes,

I believe it's completely true 

she packs more than what others might expect in her punches. 


She’ll lash out more than others respect 

she'll give out more than others 

will assume she has.


So she does not brag about her forthcoming out among the peasants in the media.

She only looks out at what surrounds her in awe and pain 

looking at what others see that she may or may not have it 

looks as if what she has been taken among 

others that people have claimed she hurt 

not knowing that her victors have been obstacles 

she's overcome by the wealth within the knowledge that people have given 

her stuck-up among hours of reading. 


People do not understand that little do they know 

she is a masterpiece built by the hands of not herself but in the hands of what others thought was broken 

she’s built among the hands of the words she kept to herself and did not speak yet willingly wrote down to share with others 

the ones that she was not willing to speak to her haters, but keeps behind the bars of the notebooks, the tones of the notebooks and journals 

held empires of emotions

pens emptied by emptying open wounds won in the war against her heart 

annoyed by how far of a journey she has come by ignoring what she wants to say out loud to silence them keeping them behind the bars of a page.


But at night she has become unrolling 

stalking the black holes of the Woods 


The Forest of other minds knowing,

what others think of her 

knowing what she should think of herself. 


She will not allow others to overcome her she will overcome them

in the wilderness like a flame that takes place small underestimated, but that overcomes the entire Forest 

she will overcome them like the sun taking the moon's place in the sky 

getting rid of all the stars that are still there but just out of sight. 


she is not silent 

she is not vulnerable 

she is not afraid to howel without a moon in the sky

she will not let what others give her to be the only things that she has in her possessions

she knows how to provide and prevail. 

she takes what she needs like Robin Hood 

gives to the poor 

someday she feels as if she's rich she's stealing from 

On other days she feels as if she’s poor she's giving back to 

wishing she could be one or the other 

not all of them tied up into one present 

she is but she isn't 

what she wants to be but she stays stern like a tree that's been planted years ago. 


Give her what you must but she will give back 10 folds 

she does not care what you give her 

she does not care what she gives herself 

she knows that there's a future that will replace every broken part of her. 


She is the wolf in sheep's clothing other days she’s the sheep being hunted by that same one. 


I Never will tell this story in its entirety 

These stories do not end until the day she climbs the top of that mountain 

only then will her roots finally dig their toes deep within the sand of the Earth 

to become more than the broken pieces others have assumed she’d always be.


The Maiden She-Wolf


 It's all coming back to me now. 


I remember being a wolf, 

prowling around stocking the territory around me 

making my home where I please.


A nomad that makes home everywhere. 

I remember my pack, 

The family that never left me alone 

my protectors the ones that weren't

afraid to make me look in still waters 

to find myself 

to regain control of the self that wanted to be freer. 


I remember being respected 

not looked like a common mutt, 

yet Majestic something that was beard with respect, 

something that wasn't paraded around like a pet, 


I remember not needing to be

given treats but treated myself 

with nights strolls 

underneath the stars 

a sky full of a thousand fireballs 

the moon became my best friend 

a best friend that left but always returned. 


I remembered the first night it came out and 

there were no clouds to hide it, 


I remember saying hello 

the rest of my family 

my pack greeted it 

giving us their blessing, 

I remember the night 

I said I loved the moon 

the stars twinkled a little bit brighter that night 

the night breeze wisped through my hair 

the flowers generally caught within

the breeze in vivid colors, 

I felt so lost, yet so found so many times 

following the breeze an out of body

experience wherever it took me, 

but I always returned back to my body 

just to do it all over again the next night. 


I remember having to make my own shelter 

an enterprise, 

the pride I felt when I made my own mansion out of rocks, 

a cave that fits me perfectly.



I remember being a hawk 

up all night becoming friends with the Stars,  

the warmth provided by the moon. 


I remember soaring above the clouds my troubles,

the anxiety of not knowing what will come

by hitting me like swampy heat. 

The wind blowing between my feathers the

sweet milky nectar still collecting thickly within the wind. 


I will remember soaring above sole limits that 

I've set for myself making observations of new lands,

branches the land on. 


I remember making shelter picking every branch warm cloth 

I could find sewing them together in such crochet-like motions

like dancing, the wind rustling between the leaves,

the grass, and surrounding fields of flowers provided the melody

the provided the tempo that provided me with the insights of the Right moves.


I remember being a shape-shifter

being both at separate times 

or both all at once 


I remember Loving having the territory of the sky and ground 

as my own domain 

not having to answer to anybody as to what I'm supposed to be doing 

I loved being able to help others of my kind 

to grab this chance of a lifetime to make it their own 

to have mansions in trees and on land. 

To not let anybody tell you that you can only be one or the other, 

I reminded them that we are a pack

that we are family 

that we can be both and do not have to answer to anybody at all 

we are our own kings and queens in this world is our kingdom.


I woke up 

I remember still being human, 

looking around the world in small fragments that I couldn't overstep. 


I remember wishing I had wings 

to soar above my pains and worries on. 


I remember wishing I could prowl around making territories wherever I please, 

making mansions in rocks, 

not having to worry about following other orders.


I remember being me 

telling myself that all mentioned can be. 


I remember looking in the mirror 

gazing in my own eyes 

telling myself it will be, 

in due time.


The Unleashing of the Skeletons

Help she screamed 

let them come off me 

the room around her was dark 

felt like ice in days before seem darker. 


Nobody would have guessed it though, 

all they saw was her beauty, 

her beauty trenched in what she hides, 

the tears that she sheds behind closed doors. 


She was done 

taking off her mask

just to put it back on 

she wants to let everyone see 

who’s tired of hiding tired and faking. 


She did a backstretch and before her, 

Releasing from her chest cavity every skeleton

she’s hidden on shelves in the mixed of her closets 

skeletons she'd hide to keep from even the closest

person to her had arisen off her

with  that agony of the beauty that she only allowed them to see 

melted away allowing them to witness the pain,

the guilt that she endured from hiding so much

from those she loved 

not allowing them to see open wounds that are

now shown before them. 


They all gasp letting out their apologies asking for

forgiveness for not attending to her, 

not seeing what she did not allow them to see 


Suddenly the room filled lights and heat returned within the room. 


It's okay she said before applying an apology for

something she can't promise won't happen again.


The Kitten & The Mobile

 I'm tired, 

all around me is asleep 

I'm left to my own productivity 

in the dark. 


I am home, 

no longer frightened by the night, 

the birds nor other creatures that lurk.


I'm safe, 

at home with people who love me. 

I get all the food I need, 

the water that I had a thirst for, 

no longer having to scavage

 for my needs. 


The flicker of light catches my attention 

following its glow, 

I soon come across  

a gigantic bed

fitting my person just right,

I jump up missing at first, 

trying again landing at her feet, 

the blessing an overwhelming happiness

a small motor within me

more affectionate sound more than a heartbeat, 

generally wakes her up, 

I curl beside her,

happy that I'm no longer the only one awake,

I give her kisses on the nose,


My meows and stares portray as words  

I wish I could put in their language, 

slowly falling asleep like one of their own babies, 

something else catches my attention

something moving above me,

little things fluttering, 

mesmerized by what I see. 

I look back at my person 

who’s also looking at the fluttering, 

giving me the understanding I’m not alone in seeing this. 


Curling in closer

the motor within gets louder 

the words

I have no way

to speak, 

I'm safe now 

with all the entertainment I need wrapped around my little paws.