When you first come to terms with your decision, you’ll need to make it official in pure isolation.
You’ll look in the mirror get lost in your own eyes, smile how you always wanted him to, saying the words he never had the guts to say in full honesty; “I love you”
You’ll enforce you both understand that there will no longer be the need to explain yourself, well… because you’ll just know. You’ll want to enforce that the only one you need now is the only one you really ever needed, but even now saying that out loud it still won’t sound right, needless to say, you still need to act like it dose.
You’ll start dressing up any outfit you put on, erasing any speck of confusion that was ever shown towards you, maybe by wearing a “C” necklace for those who have always confused you for a “K”, maybe by wearing make up for those who’d confused you as he, proving those who’d always confused themselves as right. You’ll start carrying purses adding more luggage to you a person then you already carry. It’s okay ‘cause you’ll take it all in strides.
You’ll openly, enthusiastically telling people you aren’t looking for a boyfriend more or less just a boy-friend, that you have yourself, that’s all I’ll ever need. For the longest, you’ll believe this, however, eventually, tell yourself along with others that not only yourself will be needed, but select objects will also be required, which then will continuously back you into re-realizing you’re not enough.
You’ll want to be enough, however, grasping that leaves you to toy with knowing that nobody is perfect, that if you were, you’d be enough for yourself and others.
Needless to say, you’ll then want to be perfect as well as enough for not only yourself but also those you care about. Leading yourself to look in the mirror telling yourself what your father has still continued to say to you since #1. You’ll say it, your teeth will feel hollow as if just swallowed a sip of cold rootbeer, you’ll stumble, even stutter over your words as if saying this will later result in grades that’ll guarantee to define you and your future. You’ll say it, overthinking it the entire time, but once you said it you’ll finally be able to breathe, chances are by now you’d forget how that feels, sorry to say you’ll not feel it for long. The luggage you keep carrying will continue to collect on you, your clothes, your mind, and thoughts, it’s inevitable.
You’ll see your ex again, you’ll see nothing in front of you where he stands. If anything you’ll see the silhouette of the person you wanted him to be, you’ll not wanna linger any longer to prove yourself wrong, to feel any pain.
You’ll see someone you like from the distance, you will not say anything, you’ll only bite your tongue, blinding yourself to what can’t be ignored, blowing it off as some sort of dream.
You’ll lay there at night, this poem will come to mind, you’ll write it and this will set you free
