it almost didn’t feel real anymore,
like I was no longer his to love,
like he had fallen from the stars and his body
belonged to them
to the galaxy beyond the stars that
lines the night sky at night.
Surrounding the earth beyond where any telescope
can see.
When he last said he cared for me
I didn’t hit him back with
the fact I cared for him back, but
with the truth
I didn’t want those words to fall off his tongue without feeling,
I didn’t say this out loud
for I feared the bittersweet honesty
that could have been released,
Or the confirmation that
I needed,
That my heart needed
that time is on our side and
all we need is to ride out these storms and
in time the rainbow will show in our favor.
When I first said I loved him,
I could feel the waves
I once used it as a protection part ways, separating from me.
I thought that was normal,
not acknowledging the lengths of vulnerability and
truly wearing my heart on my sleeves
I’d exposed myself to.
When I last said I loved him,
it was as if those words
had gone unspoken
or
directed to the wrong person.
I’d since then thrown him back to the stars and back to his galaxy,
sent him my best wishes in constellations, and
blew my leftover kisses for him towards the moon.
I love him, but
my earthly love could not sustain a star-held being like himself.
So now
when I look out to the sky
The north star
that’s held me through
All the pain and the aimlessly getting lost
in my own thoughts and who I am supposed to be;
the north star that hadn’t been given a proper name
I identify him.
When I miss him and don’t get a chance to hear his voice,
I look outside, with even the slightest gust of wind,
I hear his voice within the whistle of the wind
between the trees,
In the floating hum of the flowers dancing in its wind
he’s always there for me
even though his body belongs to the stars.
