Still a Disney girl by heart

Still a Disney Girl by Heart

Sitting on my bed

Not a care in the world

My childhood

dances through my head

as classic instrumental Disney music play

It brings back

So much joy

Back when I didn't have to worry about

SAT’s and ACT’s

When I didn't understand

all the sadness that happens all over the world

It even happens in my neighborhood

Back when

My only problems

were putting too much chocolate syrup in my milk

and worrying about making it to the bathroom on time

When all I needed to do was clean my room

Back when life was simple

Back when I was young and still kinda cute

When my relationship with God was unbreakable

Back when the only time I cried was when I for broke

or misplaced a toy

Back when I never had to eat school lunches

Back when my world was small and peaceful

Back when I didn't worry about insecurities

and didn't care much about much about my flaws

When life was simple

A Chores Of Voices

As a student sits in the back,

Others stand back and watch.

Oh, this kid is lonely

Oh, this kid is depressed.

No, maybe this kid has been bullied,

Hurt in so many ways only God knows how.

Maybe that kid is plotting against every kid who had plotted against her.

As this girl cries in the bathroom

Others stand by

And just listen,

Not even knowing

The pain and the depth within each droplet.

No one gets it,

People who are stuck up,

Who are too into themselves,

Put down others who are different.

They shoot them with their words

Cut them with their eyes

And Kill them with their comments

Everything they say stings like a branding iron which leaves a permanent mark

Breaking the victim's confidence down to nothingness.

Not knowing

Or even being intentional

To make them go home and cry nightly

Making them want to die

Making them no longer who they are,

But now they want to be someone else.

But what about the bully, themselves

They never get looked at

Not until one of their victims do something that doesn't reflect that victim

STILL, THEN THE BULLY IS NEVER LOOKED AT.

I can barely see their faces,

But their names haunt me,

Past me,

But thank GOD can’t touch future me.

Now everything is different

I’ve tried to forget My pain

and get rid of the newer pain

And try not to feel even newer pain

I’m there,

Who sees?

I speak,

Who hears?

You there,

I see

You’re speaking

I hear

You torment

I cry

I’m filled with pain

I slowly resent myself

I share,

I love

I smile although it may be fake, but only due to pain

I do a lot,

That is good,

But you don’t see that

But I see you

And will always see you

Even after you turn to dust.

Not for the same reason, you may have hoped,

Or even expected,

But because although you hurt me,

In more ways than one,

Although nobody is going to see you for what you’ve done,

But I will.

You made me stronger,

In ways that would have never been the same if I’d gone through less dark,

Painful stuff.

Thanks and I mean that.

To those victims of bullying out there

Don't let them push you down

You’ll rise up one day

Tiny Emotions

All the commotions

that draw attention

All the different fonts

people tend to use

All the words

people tend to never say

Time

that always tends to fly by

Anger

that never seems tamable

Love

that never seems enough

Money

that never seems to be there

Evil

That never seems to vanish

Good

That never seems to be seen

Glory

That never seems to be upheld

Relationships

That never seems to be strong or even enough

There’s always good

That gets downplayed by bad or its opposite

A Mother

Without any kids; their no longer kids

A Husband

Without a wife, but yet a soulmate; or some due to the deeper than surface issues

Children

Without much of a childhood; forced to be grown too fast, too soon

Pain

With no hope of being held; however, kept being enforced among the weak or even the strong

Hate

In which birthed from unjust pain

Parents

That holds no understanding, yet wants children to achieve perfection, but had not yet achieved it themselves

Then there’s Me

So small in the world; yet dreams so big

Screams so quiet, yet hardly ever making a sound

Tears

Informs of such surplice oceans form

Smiles

So minuscule you hardly ever see them

Friends

That is so nonexisting the world seems empty

Pink

So adored, so lush; yet so painful

Beauty

So perfect, yet so flawed

Quiet

So peaceful, yet so loud with words

Silence

So misunderstood, yet so outspoken

Talkative

Yet no one is any more

Spotless

So clean, yet so filthy

Me and You

So much  alike yet completely different

Good and evil

So fairy-tail- istic, yet so realistic

Teachers

So helpful, yet so controlling

Music

So upbeat, yet so undertaking

Siblings

So naive, yet so wise

It’s up to you whether you decide to follow or leid

One or the other

Many Aspects Of Life

I’m in love with many aspects of life

I love how every God made thing

has an assigned

design,

point of view,

 purpose,

and

Creative

Aspect

I love how all the seasons are like clockwork

They never let you down

Summer

makes the Earth Sweltering

And summons school to be out,

grills brought out and cookouts to start

Swimming pools are filled

Sun-kissed yellow lemonade is made

Fall

Makes the world revolve around vibrant, crisp colors

Leaves begin to descend

The seeds look as if small helicopters as they fall and take flight

Leaves fall like graceful feathers as they catch the cool breeze

like small parachutes falling from beyond

The end of the day is the sweetest of them all

Night skies look like paintings

painted by God's graceful hands

Breeze so cool it reminds you it's not the harsh frigid winter

Yet not warm enough it's not the humid summer

Spring

Always replenish the Earth from the Summer's heat and Fall’s lack of rain

The sky turns lively as transparent raindrops fall from the sky

And rainbows Timperley appear

The ground transforms as puddles form

The Earth becomes soft

and as bodies of water flourish

Flowers blossom and bloom

The wind turns more refreshing and less humid

The grass grows greener

The sky grows to deem and gray as if the sky cries nourishing tears

Winter

Covers the Earth in a thick white crystalized blanket

The animals are cast into a deep protective slumber

The days last longer

and the season of goodwill and cheer is near

The wind turns crisp and fidget

The green of the grass and trees vanish

The ground turns rich as it's covered in a diamond-like snow

Seasons change and so does moods

When filled with happiness

All is sunny and peaceful

Not one thing can bother you

Everything around you is lively and it rubs off on all around

While filled with sadness

All is droopy and darkness

You turn in a machine full of nothing else,

but buttons

While excited

Everything seems to be stuck in time

Your eyes grow wide

And your lips curve in a huge smile

While anxious

Everything seems to be going lightning fast your heart races as if doing exotic exercises

Live around you turns into an adventurous mystery

And the unexpected is to be expected

Phenomenally Me

A large number of people wonder

Where my secret lies

God made me cute,

But not built to suit a fashion model’s size

I don't listen to society

When they say I must be or do anything

I laugh when people say I must be perfect to fit in

While those I'm trying to fit in with aren't perfect themselves

Phenomenal

I'm phenomenally me

Others try so much

To change me

But they can't touch my inner creativity

When I try to share it with them

They blow by it

Yet still can't see

I say,

It's the ink in my pens,

The journals within my belongings,

The sun in my smile,

The creativity within every thought,

The feeling in every tear,

The grace in God’s plan for me

Phenomenal

I'm phenomenally me

Now you understand

Just why you can't change me

And why my head’s not bowed,

Tet held high

And my feelings aren't hidden

When you see me passing by,

It ought to make you proud

When you read me work

You ought to feel my emotions

Understand my testimony

And know you're not alone

Phenomenal

I'm phenomenally me,

Christyn,

Christian,

A writer,

A sister,

A best friend,

Inspirational,

Creative

And more

Phenomenal

I'm phenomenally me

Just like you're also

Phenomenal

Just be phenomenally you,

Thank you.

Forgotten Love

A heart so broken,

it can barely beat

Head so jumbled and cluttered

with painful thoughts,

it's barely condemned

useful anymore

Emotions that floods me

I can't put on a brave face

Too many good moments

inn the past,

I can barely face this future

You no memory of me

Then there's me with the

the love I have for you

and the love you once carried for me

In dreams and memories

That hunts present me,

but don't bother you

I'm a lonesome shadow in

your presence,

my love

Your now a recurring

a reminder of who we were

For all of the

I should have

Could have

It's too late now

You have to choose to

come back to me

Just like I'll continue to

choose to wait for you

My love,

Mi Amor,

My dear sweet wife

Nothing should have ever

came between us

Now that something has

It shall not last

Just like day and night

This shall soon past

Just like the ocean's tide

You will come back

And just like our

Father up in Heaven

My arms

will be stretched out

To receive

your love once again

Inseparable, Non- Stoppable Love

My love

is slowly,

but surely

Coming back to me

However,

At night acts as

as though she's being attached

She often has

Nightmares

about her past

and

Dreams

her recent life

Although

I'm over excited

That my love

is continuously

returning to me

She's still not

One hundred

Percent mine again

At least she's still and

will always remain to

Our God

Things

that are no longer our firsts

Are now our first

all over again

Which gives me a chance

To fall in love with her

All over again

Our relationship

has the chance

To be even stronger

than before

If that's even possible

Mark my words

I will remain

By her side and wait for her full return

Forever

She will be,

My love

Mi amor,

My wife

And my always

Just like

Sunrises and sunsets,

Ocean and tides,

School and homework,

Love and healing,

God and his love for us

My love and I

will remain inseparable

A Wife's Wedding Vows

It's amazing how one day someone

walks into your life

and you suddenly

can't remember

how you ever

lived without them

Honey, Ever since

that moment we met

You never let me down

For years I've admired

your kindness,

Your willingness to make me happy

even when I don't believe it can be done,

Or when I've almost forgotten how

You made me transform into

a person who cares less about what haters have to say

Darling, you make me feel worth it

You made it worth it having the past I had

You make me smile so much

I can hardly remember the last time I frowned

After a stressful day

Your hugs make all my problems disappear

I wish I could explain

How when looking into your eyes,

Being in your arms,

Hearing your deep tender voice

and feeling your manly hands on my shoulders,

How both of our hearts skip multiple beats when held over each other,

How every time I'm  with you alone,

Makes me melt like milk chocolate in my mouth

Falling in love with you

wasn't falling at all

It was like walking into a house and suddenly realizing

“I'm home”

We don't have to plan the future

Just keep loving me and I'll do the same

And everything else will fall into place

I will love you as long as the sun burns in the sky

As long as the moon shines brightly at night

As long as the raging tropical blue oceans still have tide

and as long as God loves his children

I will love you until the end of time

It takes someone sent by God

to fix someone who was weakened

Handsome, you the first thought in the morning

Last thought before I go to bed and every thought in between

A Husband's Wedding Vows

It's amazing how

one day someone

walks into your

life and you

suddenly can't

remember

how you ever

lived without them

my dear

when I saw you

I instantly fell in love

and from that day forth

every love song

I heard on the radio

was about you

sweetheart

something changed

In me the moment

I met you

I thought I knew

who I was,

but you've made me see another

side of me myself

that I never realized I had

There are were so

many times I

feared that this

moment staying

up here besides you

wouldn't happen,

but you have a

way of changing

the odds and making

the impossible

happen

every moment

with you feels

alive with possibilities

I found my piece

of heaven here on Earth

in your eyes

for the first time in my life

I feel the burdens

lifting off of my shoulders

baby

I wish that time

could just stop

when I'm in your arms

because it's the best feeling

in the world

to have someone

like you

in my life

thank you

my love

mi Amor

I'm a better person

and even or just as

good as a husband

I promise

to love cherish you

and support you

fight for you

and inspire you

as you've

always done for me

I wanna be that

husband for you

who makes your

bad days better

The one that

makes you say

“my life is changed since the day I met him”

no matter what

the future holds

for us

I know that together

is where will meant to be

our journey will

never come to an end

my love for you

will never weekend

my gratitude towards you

will never empty

my blessing from God

of you will never get old

or boring

my oasis of

love for you

will never dry up

sweetheart

my love

my blue sky and rainbow

after a rainy day

I love you

Baby my today

my tomorrow

and my always

Where I'm from

Past

I came from a quiet place the first five years of my life.

For I was the only child.

I came from wishing on stars, watching Disney movies and playing dress up.

I came from a warm home cooked meals every single day.

I came from wearing told and not listening.

I came from a place of pink and purple were common colors.

For I was the only child.

I came from lessons learned.

I came from wisdom, joy, and love.

I came from experiences.

I may not go to church every Sunday.

Yet I worship at home with mom and dad.

For I was the only child.

I came from a mother and father watching their little girl dream and pray for another playmate.

For I was the only child.

Asking mommy, daddy may I have a little brother or sister?

Dreaming and praying for that to come true one day, one day soon.

Closer to the Present

Then five years my dreams and prayers came true.

I then came from a family filled with rejoicement, excitement, more love, and more experiences.

For my little brother was born, and named James and brought home.

I came once a quiet place to a noisy place.

For now, I’m not the only child anymore.

I came from son pick this room up and tell your sister to help.

I also came from both of you come here and give me a hug.

I came from not being lonely anymore and having someone younger to play with.

Soon I came from going to a place with no understanding.

A new school and a new environment.

Away from my parents.

Still close yet father than I used to.

I went to a place that made you think and made you learn.

Makes you understand mom and dad cares more than the people outside the family.

I went to a place that made you miss mom, dad, brother, and home cooked meals every day.

A place where you’re stuck with burnt pizza overdone food.

Also stuck with mean teachers that act fake to everyone and don’t care as much as your parents.

I went to a place where I knew who I was, but people tried to change that.

They tried to make me less than myself by bullying me, not caring and torture with hatred and hate-filled comments.

They would often give me fake compliments.

To make me feel less than them.

I’ve wanted to have a true friend, but never knowing that the friends I have weren't what I was looking for.

I once thought that I have found a true friend, but I didn't know how blind I was to her deceitfulness.

I am from a family of wisdom.

I came from again praying for another playmate.

However now asking mommy and daddy can I have a little sister?

The mother and father still watched their daughter wish for something else.

Closer to present x 2

Five years later I then came from a place filled with more noise, rejoicement, and excitement.

For my little sister was born, named Kalena and brought home.

I quickly came from a room filled with toys on the floor and constantly hearing “Baby girl clean this room up and tell your big brother and sister to help you,”

Again I went to another place.

This time with more understanding than before.

I went to a new school and a new environment.

This time still hoping to make a true best friend or even just a friend.

Still learning and making my parents proud.

Getting A's on a lot of assignments.

However, it wasn't impressing the people around me or even myself.

Yet I was impressing GOD and that's what I needed to focus on.

I was making impressions on teachers by working hard and acting civilized.

I am from a place where imagination runs wild.

I come from where people can express how they the feel.

I'm most definitely not from a rich family, but I'm definitely from a blessing family.

I am from love no hate.

Though I see the opposite from outside my windows every day.

I came from a place that's heard about gunshots heard and violence, but never being there in person.

I came from a place that helped me when I was bullied.

They helped me understand that people don't hate me but the GOD in me.

Which now I understand what they meant.

I came from a place with understanding where there were none.

I come from a family of no separation though there are walls in my house.

I came from a place where it's loud all day but quiet all night.

I come to a place where I might cry due to being spirally touched by the presence of God and I don't get judged for it.

In fact, I may even need to comfort family members for the same reason.

I haven't been the only child for more than eleven years now.

Wow God has blessed me in so many ways.

I'm am from a place dreams are heard.

I am from home and heaven.

Yes!!  I am from mistakes made.

I from a place where people can fit in.

I am from a place secret are never held. The truth is always told.

If not we repent if a lie is told.

I am from a GOD formed a family.

I am from a well known and unknown family.

I am from a family of new and old family members.

I am from a family that will try to make you happy when you are sad.

Yet not willing to cross that line that makes me into a brat.

I came GOD blessed family.

Present

I once again went to a place.

This time with a lot of God-given understanding.

Where I can work on what I have already known and learned.

I come from a place I've never thought I would ever enter.

In a state of mind, I've never thought I would ever be able to achieve.

I don't care as much about what others say I need to change so I can be who they want me to be.

I came from a mother and father, with a brother and a sister.

I came from God.

I have made many mistakes in my short lifespan,

When I step back and take a look at how wonderful life truly is.

I didn't understand God will always love me and will take me with all my flaws because he'll take them away from me forever.

I come from laughter.

I come from a love for writing.

I come from getting closer and closer to graduating.

I come from more than 795 pages and 151 short stories and four different journals.

I come from a grieving family.

I am from having a true best friend now.

I am from a high GPA.

I am from and cheer squad.

I am from New Beginnings of all types.

Iron from not being afraid to stand up for what I believe in my friends.

I come from Growing Pains.

Are you from doing my best but still being looked over.

I am from asking God to constantly help me.

I come from wanting to do great things and be able to do great things.

I come from embracing my race in my gender, and who I am even more.

I came from quickly realizing that people will never stop trying to break me down and change me.

They don't phase me anymore.

I come from a family dinner that may struggle at times.

I come from situations of confusion, but I come to understand what has happened.

I come from a family that's all you need to know.